she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
