i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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