Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm getting married
To pizza
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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