I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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