I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
