I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
