Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
