How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
