I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
