I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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