TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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