the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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