Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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