just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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