Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
