I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
