dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
