i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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