Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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