did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
