My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
