You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
