Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
