Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
