So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
