And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
