i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
