Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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