i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
What a dumb baby whore.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
