Cold hands, warm shart.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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