the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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