We're like a lot better than the average bears
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This is the high leading the old right now
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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