I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
