Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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