Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
