Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
