Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
