Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He uses pillows to masturbate.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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