I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
