we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
