Sry I called you an 8
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
did you just send me my own nude
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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