checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
