I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
