I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
