i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
