Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
