Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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