every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
