I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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