so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
