I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
