im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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