I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
