I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
