I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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