Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
